Man Buys Wolverine As Pet, Has Face Torn Off

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The Arm Chair Pontificator

Miami, Florida.   A locale man who purchased a wolverine from an online pet store had his face torn off by it when it arrived at his home last night.   “Yeah, in retrospect, this was perhaps not a great idea,” said Herbert Dumfuchr, the man in question, “but I’ve wanted to have a pet wolverine ever since I was a kid.  They’re SOOOO cute!

Herbert Dumbfuchr Herbert Dumfuchr

After a great deal of research, I found an exotic online pet store that sold them, bought one, and had it shipped to my house.  I know wolverines have a reputation for being wild and very aggressive, but, hey, I’m a real sweetheart of a guy, and I figured the wolverine would sense this and give me kisses as soon as it saw me.  Needless to say, that didn’t happen.  The little bugger jumped onto my head the moment I took it out…

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